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The Gift in the Storm

It is the spring of 2003. I am 62 years old and going through my very first bout of extended deep sadness. I sleep for long periods of time, can’t seem to get myself motivated to do much of anything, and have lost at least 25 pounds. I don’t feel like eating, and I have to force myself to get outside and continue my daily running practice. People close to me often ask if I have some sort of illness that I don’t want to talk about. I know I am in a state of depression.

My wife and I separated almost two years ago. She is involved in a relationship with a man she loves very much, and I am essentially in a state of shock. I never imagined that at the age of 62 I would be experiencing the emotional effects of a separation. Marcelene and I have seven beautiful children, and we both love them very dearly. There is no fault to assign here. I take full responsibility for my role in the breakup of this marriage. It’s just that I can’t seem to bring myself out of this funk.

Several of my children are concerned about my health and try to help in their conversations with me. They’ve often suggested lovingly, “You seem so depressed . . . maybe you should try writing to bring you some peace of mind.” I am deeply grateful for their concern, and at the same time Marcie and I are doing everything we can to keep the children out of this separation anxiety that we both feel.

A year or so ago I came across some words while reading Carlos Castaneda’s book The Power of Silence that struck a chord deep within me. I had the statement copied and laminated on a card so that I could carry it with me. From the moment I read these words, I knew the direction my writing could take, yet this separation and semi-breakup of our family has kept me from even thinking about taking on such a gigantic project as planning and writing an entire book.

Today I remove the laminated card from my shirt pocket and read Castaneda’s words softly to myself: “In the universe there is an unmeasurable, indescribable force which sorcerers call intent, and absolutely everything that exists in the entire cosmos is attached to intent by a connecting link.” I am enthralled by this idea of intention not being something that we do, but rather an energy that we are connected to.

I put the card back in my front pocket, feeling the impact of these words. We are all connected to an indescribable, invisible field called intent—all I have to do to heal myself is cleanse myself of the numbness that I feel, and my connecting link to this great Source called intent will be once again whole.

I begin to see that I have been wallowing in my ego, and I’m filled with deep sadness because I retreated to an ordinary level of consciousness. I temporarily lost my connection to God—to the field Castaneda is calling intent. I have an epiphany right on the spot. I am going to take the advice of my children and begin doing what I love the most—that is, writing. I will cleanse my own connecting link to intent, and I will write a book that will help millions of others to do the same.

I spend the better part of the next year writing every day; in the process, I come out of the sadness that enveloped me the past two years. I find that my state of despondency over my new marital status of “separated” is changing the complexion of my writing. I have more compassion for myself as a result of actively doing what makes me feel purposeful, which is writing. This compassion is reflected in what I write, and my writing is flowing in a way that is entirely new to me.

I feel that the presence of God—the field of intent, if you will—is doing the writing here. I realize that the pain of my separation from my wife is actually making me a more tender and empathetic writer. I notice that my public lectures are a bit softer, laced more with kindness and love rather than being witty and maybe even a tad hard-hearted. My broken heart is healing; my relationship to Marcie and her new love has improved significantly.

Fast-forward to the following spring. Three years have passed since the shock of the separation, and my newest book, The Power of Intention, is about to be released. I have contacted Niki Vettel, and she is going to be the executive producer of my new PBS special to be filmed at Emerson College in Boston.

When I hold The Power of Intention in my hand, I have the paradoxical awareness that it was my own  deep grief that allowed me to write from a new place of compassion and empathy. I consider that I truly needed to go to the lowest point in my life in order to advance to the next stage of my own Divine mission. No accidents here, I realize. I needed this jolt in order to understand and write this highly spiritual book on learning how to co-create one’s own life.

As I look back, I am in a profound state of gratitude for all of the storms of my life, especially for that Category Five hurricane that showed up to keep me on the path of teaching and living Divine love and higher awareness.

Namaste,

Wayne


You can find this and many other heartwarming stories in Wayne’s newest book,
I Can See Clearly Now.

Comments (11)

  • 1.

    April 2, 2014
    5:16 am

    Such encouraging words...everything happens for a reason I believe and if this hadn't happened we wouldn't have been Blessed with such a revolutionary book...Thank you Dr. Dyer.

    – Deb
  • 2.

    April 2, 2014
    8:59 am

    Wayne, I went through the same ordeal as you, and Edging God Out was a big part of my depression. Listening to you has helped me see the beauty and gift from what I thought was God's punishment. I'm now a much happier, humbler and freer "me" because of the storm.~ What a gift you are to this world!! Thank you.....anne

    – anne
  • 3.

    April 2, 2014
    11:12 pm

    John of God cured you twice! He can possibly cure anyone who believes in one loving God no matter religion. You should get other famous people of all faiths who need help to see John of God. The whole world would see what that we all come from one God and stop fighting. You could help create a more peaceful world that our grandchildren can grow up in.

    – David
  • 4.

    April 5, 2014
    11:18 am

    Thank you for supporting Seabury Hall. I am searching for the purpose of my grief. My sons death was overwhelming but I have come to peace and now understand the purpose. You said a mother never looses her children, but I miss them so very much; at times I can hardly breath. I will pray incessantly to understand the purpose. Namaste

    – victoria
  • 5.

    April 6, 2014
    12:00 pm

    I have just recently been desperate enough to try something new (at least, to me) and began listening to your talks and interviews. Thank you for introducing me to a new vision of God, for teaching me a new way to think, feel and live. Thank you for blazing a trail for someone like me and sowing me the way to "walk down a a new street"

    – Kathiann
  • 6.

    April 7, 2014
    9:23 am

    I have often believed that when I get out of the way, God shares beautiful things through me and my unique God-given skill set. Here's to rejoicing in not being roadblocks to receiving and sharing that limitless grace!

    – Lori Taylor-Schulte
  • 7.

    April 7, 2014
    4:52 pm

    Love is the key. It opens doors and It's our choice which path we choose. When someone we love loses their way, tell them you love them every day. We all have our own road to travel. Sometimes there are detour signs. Like obstacles in life, these don't stop us but re-direct us and eventually we arrive at our destination.

    – MARY
  • 8.

    April 9, 2014
    6:08 am

    Thank you for sharing your story behind your book. The Power of Intention has been my lifeline guide for years and when I am having "earth school"(C.Myss) experiences, I always return to your words "host to God or hostage to ego" and reconnect to my Divine Source. With abundance love and gratitude for showing up at the perfect time!

    – Bernadette
  • 9.

    April 10, 2014
    6:28 pm

    D-The breakup of a marriage is a demolition,not a'funk'. Light is found in tiny nooks/crannies our impatient, educated minds would never've noticed with loss. Be patient.Receive the lesson.This is just another passage.

    – Jennifer Christie
  • 10.

    April 11, 2014
    11:44 am

    Self-reliance!!(tick)purpose(tick)and love(gold star) A saying in Scotland, I've cleaned it up to offer it to u - "don't let them get you down!" Ill leave you with my last word (no laughing at this one now!) its the best i can offer. HUMOUR -the rest deserves to be sent to the smallest room in the house. love u, forgive me, thank u,sorry

    – evelyn
  • 11.

    April 17, 2014
    2:25 am

    The power of your words reminds us to believe. I felt the sorrow of losing a mother to cancer twenty two years ago. It changed my life. I never doubted God. Doubt brings fear, fear fuels truth and chaos creates indecision. Indecision leads to heartache and sometimes, heartache brings with it loneliness and sorrow. But time always heals the heart.

    – Katrina Jean Taylor

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